This won’t be an ordinary story. I don’t always plan how my story will go, but this time I know I won’t be putting out a lot of emotions. I will stick to the point. So,this is the story of how I reminded myself of loving who I am again and how I reminded myself of the importance of that. Don’t worry I already said I won’t be expressing much of how I was feeling before, you won’t even notice the darkness of it all, but I will start from the moment when the storm was over.
Last weekend only, I had the best moments!! Spring! Flowers! The smell of the grass! My first debate tournament waiting to happen, my parents so happy for me, excitement, new friends, challenges, joy!! Simply the best weekend so far. The clock was ticking as usual, seconds were passing as when they were before, but the feeling… The feeling was different… As if I am free now. As if I am me and proud of it. Happy. Something that I have been dreaming about for so long! To feel free, to feel happy. I knew at that moment that everything that had brought negativity in my life was put behind. But you know when the big question appeared? At the party. It was right after I overheard my friend telling the boy next to me: “We talked about love. Oooh, and I simply love her! She’s my soulmate.” She said this through the most honest smile I have seen. And than I thought to myself: “Love?”
Do you ever get those moments? When something clicks in your mind and you finally get the answer correctly? Well, it did happen to me. The music too loud, the people chatting, dancing, singing, drinking… simply living the dream. In all that noise, in that whole crowded place there I was. Dressed up, with freshly put make-up on, pale lips, black heels, a glass of water in front of me and a single question stuck in my head. What would I say about love? What is my definition of love? You know if you asked me a month ago, my answer would have definitely been: “I do not know. I’m not certain.” I would only know how to explain how damaged I was feeling. The people I was hanging out with then, made me feel unworthy, I found betrayal instead of honesty, fake instead of real, lies instead of the truth, tears instead of happiness. But now? Now is different. Like my dad always says, justice is slow but it will eventually come. It did. I said goodbye to those who were taking me for granted. I opened my window to happiness. I realized I was the one that matters. And now the answer would be..? Now I know. Love is my life, love is me, love is mom, love is dad, love is my brother, love is family, love is to learn, love is to laugh, love is all of my passions, love is all around me. Love is all I have. Everything I care about. And I realized it was loving myself that was missing all of that time. It was the main reason why I forgot who and what truly matters. Now that I know, all I think of is to write a letter to my dearest friend. The letter to love.
Thank you. I could write for days. I could write about my love for God. Of how thankful I am to have everything I already have in my life. I could write about my family, which is my biggest blessing. I could write about myself. Of how thankful I am for my uniqueness, for my perfect imperfections. I could write about my home. For the food and drinks I get. For every single breath I take with love. For every morning coffee and every new lesson in school that I carefully listen to. I could even write about all of my other lives like the ones I get to experience while doing one of my favorite hobbies, reading or watching TV shows. My love for seeking adventures, my love for traveling, for seeing the world, my love for exploring, my love for knowledge, my love for painting, drawing, writing, creating… I could write about everything I love and everyone I love and never get tired, but could simply never be thankful enough for being so blessed. I hope that you have enough space in my heart you know… I know there is always room for more, but I hope that you like it there. I hope that you will never leave me. All I would ask from you is to stay… and maybe grow more and more each day.
your biggest fan.